i didnt think it would be this hard... one minute i am thinking thoughts of love and the next i am wondering how this can be right... how i can feel this up and down... how i can get this upset... how can that be love?
how long the summer looks through these eyes... everything is so overwhelming... you know, maybe im not ready for this, for any of this... for life- because really, i dont know how to deal with it, i dont know how to not let it eat me up inside. i dont really want to do it anymore... and really admitting that makes this huge hole in me- i used to think that was because maybe it wasnt true, but im not sure that is why anymore... i think maybe it is because it is true and i know it...
i dont want to cry anymore... i dont want to hurt... i just dont want to be...

and you know... maybe i am weak... maybe this is weak, but i am so close to giving up... and i dont know what anything really is... if i didnt care so much... i wouldnt be here anymore... but then i might not be in this situation either... sigh... i just want to sleep for a long long time, come up in a few years... and see whats happening then...no, i suppose nothing would change... but at least i wouldnt have so much life left to live...