when i was little i would talk of how i was going to the olympics... almost everyday... occasionly the sports would change... but always the same goal... i would work for it sooo hard. what happened to that dedication??

it seems that during this break, as with all breaks, i have had a lot of time for contemplating myself and who i am...

i cant write this right now... another time...

for the second time... i have written something... and this something was really something... i wrote it and was proud... not because of exactly what was said... i was proud of that too... but because of how i said it... for once, i could see that i wrote something and it was good. now it is gone because this damn thing is on the web and in all my exhaustion, i pressed the wrong button... sigh... i almost feel like i am going to cry... you know you can only write a thought once and trying to recreate it is useless... never again wil it have the same passion as it once did... and this was something- really something... and now i do not know what to do... sigh

it is really odd how some things work out and others dont and how different circumstances, different times, and different places can change the outcome of a situation. i often wonder at the whole dating game- and a game it is... it can be called nothing any more serious than that because if it was, it would be marriage ro at least engagement. i dont know- but the whole idea that two people will like each other- and that they will like each other to the same extent- that never happens- at least not in my life. but i guess if passions between people were equally as strong that that is how you would know that it is right... maybe

:)

sigh...

the whole religion thing... it is almost like a club... that people belong to but I don't... it isn't at all exclusive, but all the same I feel left out because somehow I cannot find the belief to follow any religion that I know of... so I am supposed to be catholic... confirmed catholic even... sadly though, not by choice... *sigh* somehow in all my independence, I still want to belong to something...

again and again i try to write on here over break. it has been so busy though... so many things have been bothering me and i have come to so many conclusions about everything- me, my family, and just life in general... feeling rather alone and believing more and more everyday that my parents shouldnt be together. work is stressful, as is christmas... but it is only 3 more weeks, right... happy holidays, right... yeah